I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Duck Duck Cougar?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Randomize
