my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
