You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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