Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
