That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
