420 ftw
it was like his penis was on wheels.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
