dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
