Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my shit smells like andre
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
