best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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