why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
