I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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