I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
