that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
