I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she looked like the before picture.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
