no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize