I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
