My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize