I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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