so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
