I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
