I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
