how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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