I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
