mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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