Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
