I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you had me at cake vodka
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize