Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
