Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
