Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
