omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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