tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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