i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
