Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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