1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
