I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
