I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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