can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
