I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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