I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
