You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
