i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize