Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
even my farts smell like vagina
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
