i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
