I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
