I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
