I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
