i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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