I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
