When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
