is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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