There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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