I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
