I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
