Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
