the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
