so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
