My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
