do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
