He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
