So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my liver is dry heaving
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
