My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize