Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she told me i tasted like america
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
