did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
