So drunk its hurt
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
