Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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