guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
