I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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