He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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