dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
