Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
