In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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