I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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