so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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