A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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