Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
