i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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