How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
