I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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