Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
