I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
