Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
