I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
