i don't like sucking hair
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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