What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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