discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
