Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
