you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
