I accidentally burped into my bong.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
