naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
