Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
