Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
