I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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