You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
