This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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