My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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