Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
