i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
