i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
