Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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