he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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