We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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