Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
