he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
